Once Upon Time in a kingdom called Lilac,
everyday was the same for
bakers, butchers, farmers, teachers, peddlers…..
The point here, well, for as far back as anyone could remember,
everyday was the same.
Until one day, things did change - very much!
Dunt Dunt Da (Insert dramatic mystical rhythmic music here - go on - use your imagination!)
You see the people of Lilac were like a water wheel
following the same pattern each day.
This worried their ruler, King Somebody.
On the eve of the change,
he put his head down upon
his goose filled down pillow,
he thought about how sometimes
things that are the same like down and down
are very different.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz he fell asleep
With his right hand under his pillow
And his left thumb in his mouth.
Now Shhhhh!
Don’t tell his son, Somebody sucks his thumb!
Parents don’t like to be hypocrites!
Back to our story,
when the sun rose, that is when things started to change!
King Somebody’s royal dog, Rough Ruff,
(named for his raspy bark)
came to his bedside for his morning pat on the head.
But the King could not pet Rough Ruff
with his right hand as he always did
because his hand was asleep!
Ouch,
so he took his thumb out of his mouth
And pet Rough Ruff with his left hand.
Fur stuck to his thumb….as he pet his trusty pet.
As the king pet, his pet, Rough Ruff licked the king’s thumb
because it smelled of roast bison.
I know what you're thinking, King Somebody doesn’t brush his teeth!
Correct.
King Somebody look at his dog sucking HIS thumb and Yelled,,
“YUCK! That dog licks his butt,
I’ll never suck my thumb again - yuck!! Yuck!”
Then he realized,
when he switched from right, to left hand
He had changed for the better!
If he could change, so could everyone!
He put on his crown - to hide his bed head.
Headed onto the balcony.
Sounded his trumpet as Rough Ruff howled.
Everyone gathered while
King Somebody Of Lilac Kingdom Ordered,
“As a matter of public learning,
Every right handed person, shall us their left hand,
Every left handed person, shall use their right hand,
Every Ambidextrous person, shall use their feet
Every person without feet or hands, shall use what they want.”
The teeny tiny people of Lilac Kingdom were upset
in an infinite, ass-astronomical amount!
This would be hard! Very hard!
Harder than when they were ordered to shut up.
Are there words here, you don’t know the meaning of?
Well then, if you know your ABCs look them up.
Using your non-dominant hand, of course.
And if you don’t know your ABCs….make up your own meaning!
Pretend that you know what you are doing, that’s what grown ups do.
But perhaps, you should not be reading this adult story.
Now back to the Kingdom of Lilac.
The people were upset.
You see
under the new order,
Things were declared an unnatural disaster.
They started yelling at or to Somebody,
“we don’t have any energy left, make things right!”
The King Somebody said, “Please people, just do what’s right, do what I ordered.”
So they did, they did what feels unnatural.
They tried something new,
switching from one hand to the other.
Right handed cooks were spilling on the kitchen floor.
Eggs were cracking in all the wrong places!
The people Liliac yelled from the top of their lungs -
Wherever that is….don’t ask me!
Anyway, they protested, “We don’t like scrambled eggs! Somebody take back your order!”
Everywhere,
Things were not right! Things got soooo bad,
One left handed doctor, when using his right hand
to stitch up a little kid’s 7 inch cut,
would accidentally sew him to his twin brother!
Newspaper reporters tried to write
but no one could read their writing!
Luckily they did not need to read the papers
to know the date of their most beloved event, The Lilac Parade.
It was at the same time everyday -
at exactly at half past the tulip on the lilac clock!
Now, what the people did not realize, is
even King Somebody,
who was right handed, had his struggles too.
Why, Right before the Lilac Parade,
His favorite event…
Well, he had to go #2
You know poo
BUT he was very loyal to his kingdom and his orders.
So, he used the other hand.
Which took him far too long
It caused him to miss the Lilac Parade
You could say, King Somebody
Felt…. Left Behind!
Grandma and Grandpa Somebody
Took King Somebody’s Son,
Too Little,
to the Lilac Parade.
Grandpa explained to
Too Little,
“It doesn’t smell like lilacs in this house,
It could take your father all day!”
At the parade, Things were bizarre.
Jugglers juggled with their feet,
Sending balls all over the street!
A clown with a squirty flower bou·ton·nière
Squeezed it by the other hand.
Shooting water into the eyes of an old man.
Oh! And it was not music that came from the bands
Marching right, right, Right, left, Right
It was noise!!!
The band members were all bruised and bloody
There was even an eyeball hanging from the end of a trombone!
Then, Too Little sitting on the curb
looked up
There before his eyes and over his head,
were his grandparents’ holding hands
They stood, oddly enjoying this disastrous parade.
With their big knuckled with blue lines
Embraced!
Too Little shouted, “Why are two so happy,
When there is so much going on!?!”
Grandpa Someday Smiled,
“Last night your grandma and I
learned
to touch each other in new ways.”
©2020 by TC McCracken. All rights reserved.