‘You really should have seen this show a month ago. I wish you could really experience the way it was meant to be with the costumes, the lighting, the music just so. Did you truly find what you’re looking for?
I hate doing this
Making excuses
Just so tired
Shrinking into the floor a little more
with each extra word.
But the audience still claps
Still seems satisfied enough
A few even come up to me and say
‘Thank you. Thank you for doing this.”
It takes no effort to just take the compliment and move on.
But I can’t help myself.
It takes me back to a time a number of years ago when I was still cutting my teeth at one of the small local troupes—eking out an existence on the fringes of town by catering to a less well-heeled clientele. We scraped by (barely) performing for audiences half-drunk on cheap peanuts and local beer, knowing full well that most of our subtle, intricate (ha ha ha) work was completely lost in a flurry of side conversations and extra beer runs.
On one particular evening after a performance, I was walking home with a fellow performer and two friends whom he had invited to the show. One of them remarked that he had truly enjoyed our performance.
I said “thank you” politely and left it at that.
My friend would have none of it.
“I’m sorry but that’s impossible! There’s no way that you could have enjoyed this show! It’s one of the most embarrassing pieces of garbage that I’ve ever been a part of, and I’ve been in a lot of crappy shows.. No, truly you jest... this is a piece of shit!’
I couldn’t help but laugh.
So used to desperately grasping at any crumbs of validation that came my way
We fish for complements reflexively
-anything to keep us going
and from sinking into despair and doubt
Worried that all of our passion
All of our thought
All of our training
All of our late night philosophical conversations
Have amounted to nothing
Truly nothing
(‘Ha ha ha
Ho ho ho
Rain, rain, rain
And
Snow, snow, snow
Cow, cow, cow
Calf, calf, calf
We’ve got to make the audience laugh’)
I’ve long since moved on from those amateur troupes
And found myself a right respectable job
At an established theatre
Performing for a fair wage
Nothing especially exciting or daring
But solid and respected in the theatre going community.
So it truly pains me to see us struggling
To make do
Budget slashed
All the technical staff laid off
Not able to perform on our main stage, but instead in a makeshift ‘theatre’ in a former storage area.
We’ve made so many adjustments
We’ve replaced well-honed bits with
The equivalent of a Wikipedia plot summary
And try our best to sell it
But it’s plain to see
It’s not what it once was
And as I perform I look at our
(Much smaller and much more intimate)
Audience
And see....
Not excitement or great joy
But...
And yet...
‘Thank you for coming to our show. Thank you for spending your time with us.’
‘No, honestly,
Thank you
For keeping going
For giving us a place to come to
For giving us some place to come to
It is truly something
©2020 by David Leicht. All rights reserved.