Dear Sparky,
I live in a new house now. It’s different here. There are no other dogs, which is lonely during the day, but great at mealtimes. I used to eat my meals out of a bowl, but now the Human puts them in a big plastic ball that I have to smack around with my paws to get the kibbles to fall out. I feel like I should hate this extra work, but I can’t help myself. I get so excited that I shiver all over and bounce around the living room before I can start smacking the ball. I get too impatient to get the last dozen kibbles out of the ball, and so I bring it over to the Human. She opens it for me because she has thumbs. I could do a lot of things with thumbs but all I have are these useless dew claws. I could take over the world with thumbs, or at least let myself out of the house to eat the crows that live in the neighbor’s tree. Crows need to be eaten.
Sometimes I accidentally poop on the floor. I don’t mean to, but sometimes I just can’t help it when my tummy feels sick. I feel really ashamed because I know that Good Dogs do not poop in the house and when I feel sad, I crawl under the bed because small dark places are good to be in when you feel sad. Then the Human comes to find me and she tells me that she’s not mad, and she isn’t, but she does use a LOT of vinegar and baking soda on the carpet and the whole house smells so much like pickles that I can’t tell what other smells are coming in around the door jambs.
The Human likes to take me places with her and this is different, too. I used to get very, very excited about going places and then my mind would get all blurry and I would bounce around like I thought a treatball was coming, except I was scared and not excited. But I’ve gotten a lot better about going places now. I can walk all the way around Home Depot and wait patiently in line at PetSmart even though I know that they have treats at the counter! I am very proud of myself for this and I think the Human is, too.
The best part about being a dog now is fetching things at the dog park. I know that hounds are not supposed to fetch, but I love it. It’s like a having treatball that you can run around after really fast. All the other dogs at the park are super slow and can’t catch the ball as fast as I can. I’m getting better and bringing it back all the way, too. I get told there that I am a Very Good Dog. If I bring the ball back to humans that I don’t know, they will sometimes throw it for me, too.
I’m learning a lot here and I get to sleep in the human bed, which is better than the dog bed. I hope that you got a good human to take you home, too. If not, pee on the carpet a lot and they will bring you back and you can choose a new one. Maybe I will see you at the dog park soon.
Badger
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